Wait, what was I supposed to feel again? Oh nice -” Wait, what was I supposed to feel again? Oh nice, a crying while laughing emoji, that’s funny. “Oh nice, a crying while laughing emoji, that’s funny. Because clearly the people they’re talking to have the memory of an amnesiac goldfish and can’t be expected to remember what they’ve just seen unless you repeat it five thousand times in a row. Yes, it seems as though it’s impossible for “normal people” (a phrase I use with the most disdain I can possibly squeeze into text) to say or do anything without attaching a little yellow face next to it to provide a visual cue as to how their intended audience is supposed to feel - or several little yellow faces, as seems to be the current trend. You don’t have to post 50-plus selfies of you and your gym rat boyfriend sunbathing for three days in a row in order to rub your absurdly fabulous lifestyle in our faces. We get it, Jennifer, you’re having an incredible time in Boca Raton. When you’re posting on Facebook for the millionth time how “#blessed” you are for the food you’re eating or the baby you’re holding or the sunset you’re too busy photographing to actually experience, you’ll forgive me for finding it hard to summon much of an emotional response. But not once have I used an emoji as a legitimate attempt to convey emotion or ideas.Īs a result, some people I talk to via text have occasionally referred to me as robotic, or unemotional, or dispassionate.
I’ve even used them ironically on extremely rare occasions, when context makes it crystal clear that I do so with the utmost contempt. I’ve accidentally inserted emojis into messages, some of which make it past my rigorous self-editing process and actually see the light of day. I’ve used programs that automatically parse emoticons like “:)” as emojis, and promptly changed those settings where applicable. One of the few things in my life of which I am unequivocally proud is that I have never intentionally used an emoji.
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